Devotions Matthew 5:44- 6/14/21

I’m rushing to cook for about two people. For fun and for a person from my church who is not well physically. And he’ll never be well again sadly…

Isn’t it tough to love people who are against you? How about people who flat out say they hate you? Or one person, in an example, who wanted to curse me (she did it secretly though. It was my neighbor who lived with her family right next door to where my family lived)?

So even if it might be just in our hearts or even briefly if we want to get revenge, we do that, right? WRONG.

Being a true Christian means living truly uncomfortable, and that means we should follow commands we wouldn’t in our sinful heart normally do. We must not do things our old self has done either (if you still are, you need to get right with God now or adjust your attitude and then ask Him for forgiveness). If you are actively pursuing things that are not good or are wrong and you know it…. that is scary. I don’t know what to say about that besides: Do you truly know the Lord?

You probably don’t. And that is scary!

Anyway before I digress, we must love the people actively out to “get” us. I know that sounds paranoid, hahaha….

Believe me, it is true.

The bible in Matthew 5:44 says we must bless those who “curse” us. We must do good to those who hate us. And pray for those who persecute or, more lightly, use us spitefully.

But aren’t we supposed to care about our own needs and live for our lonely growth?

Why do we do this? Isn’t that saying true that “God only helps those who help themselves?”

That’s such an untrue saying. it’s like a nice sounding “Christian” so-called line straight from the devil’s lips himself!

That is a saying from the prince of lies, THE enemy, would you listen to that statement…?

We must live for own personal growth yes (devoting time with God’s word every day or any moment we spend time with Him) and also learn every day to love and see our knowledge and how we can apply it (wisdom)!

In a world of “hate” we must love. In a place where people protest or are secretly against what we believe but won’t say so in public we must be kind back. In a world where thieves can get away with things but consider themselves “right” or “honoring,” we must show them the limits of the law yet be patient.

Being a real Christian means fighting our “old selves” whether one who was rage-filled or even vengeful and be counter that, not in just fleeting word but in genuine heart.

Being a true follower of the Lord means even praying for people who were once mockers of you, who slander-ised you (yet you know the truth) or hopes you fail in life.

If you are going out of your way to do that to wreck other people’s lives, what does that say about you?

Stop and be love. If you can’t then learn to love dammit because we don’t know if we have tomorrow! Do you know we’re not even guaranteed anything on this earth?

We must not just plan to love tomorrow but at least try to love today. Christians, be love because as one guy I know said “You’re the only ‘book’ they’ll ever ‘read.'”

They see YOU as an example of a follower of Christ. They see YOU as the one who though they don’t understand your view or even say that it is “stupid” in their eyes, they might show you respect at the very least if you follow through and not just “talk the talk.”

Let’s be love to our so-called enemies today. Love as Jesus loves. That is all.

Devotions Psalm 27, two vrs- 6/12/21

Got some not such encouraging words from the doctor the other day. Told me he didn’t believe I had a physical problem! He wanted me to get a cat scan and I misinterpreted that as “You don’t have what you claim, I want you to get THIS done instead.” Glad I listened to people who said to get it. Get that done!

I will touch on two verses here in Psalm 27. It will be verse one and verse four. I might have to do so in KJV (King James) Version instead of NKJV. Or just speak and not reference at all, haha…

If the Lord is your light and salvation does that mean He is only there for you the time you came to Christ? Is that “it” for your love from Christ story?

I don’t believe that at all! Love from God can be shown to you as He sees your heart. If you continue to pursue His ways He blesses you because He sees Himself more and more in your life so He will glorify Himself.

God is amazing! I “see” Him as a big, always-burning light. It will do what it can to impact you, change you from the inside out, and bless your path if you live for Him through Jesus Christ and to know He died for your sin.

If you live or want to live for Christ, Whom shall you fear?

It’s too easy to fear. It’s hard to not to sometimes! It’s also easy to be uneasy and discouraged. Sometimes we will try or do our best and it feels like there are no results…

But we must hold fast and continue to live well. As good as we can be! And give God the glory and praise. Also to show his love. Not show “love” the way a certain path can be, but just show Godly love. There is a real love out there but if you know Him it’s in the heart and you might feel it too!

Will finish this later… to be continued

Quick Quip: Trust God!

My devotion was Psalm 31. Which was great as grief was getting to me and I barely had enough time to think a lot of what the chapter said so I’ll do so tonight. Was really busy! Had a doc appmt, then work which I barely got to because transportation stinks, and after that got hassled by a bunch of things after I got home, haha! Felt “out of it” b4 I could rest or even get any sleep!

Sometimes you have to realize you need God not because He is a good being or that it is nice to treat others like a “good” Christian. There is so much more to this life. I am hurt when people claim sharing the faith is just merely an ‘agenda’ because it’s not that at all. It’s being grateful for the amazing supernatural grace and love of Christ!

I don’t care if you’re an overly-religious person, I don’t care if you’ve had trouble with drugs, I don’t care if you struggle with pornography, with not knowing whether you’re straight or gay, that life has caused you to become atheist: You are loved and important to God!

Right now, politics don’t friggin’ matter! We talk about them way too much, haha. Let’s share each other’s hearts to one another, not shout down people just because they follow a different “stance” than others, let’s act with love so that we can “BE” love to others! In order to love others, we must search our hearts and see why we do the very things that we do.

Do you live for love or is it hate? Then see if there is a way to love if your goal in life is the latter. Love others. Treat others the way you want to be treated. That is not a “revenge” scenario, this is a golden rule of LOVE.

Love and trust in something you never knew was holding your hand all this time. Did you know that before you can love God, He first loved you? Believers find that out every day!

Just show kindness to others. Don’t make other people’s day awful because their might be a personal agenda involved. I don’t mean this in pride month, I mean there are others that actively deceive and run and mess with things because… it’s a heart that needs changing.

May yours be changed. Will it be today? Guess what…?

Jesus loves You. Trust God today.

Psalm 139- 6/9/21 Part 2

Continuing on, I hope you checked out Part 1, dear reader. Otherwise this post will make little sense…

After being moved by God’s definite love for me and for the people who He dearly loved, I was eventually sent home. I had an after-care program and went back home and went to church again.

I wish I could say I was quick to proclaim the amazing things that just happened! Sadly I was very emotion-based and didn’t want to say much of anything because I was depending on feelings after I got home and it “felt” like the Lord had left me entirely.

I was however not forgetting what He did for me though. I was baptized the month I got back!

So what did this all mean? Was that just a happy ending and I should just dust myself off and be done with living my life? One might see that as just an experience and look back on it like a pleasant memory but not move on or have new ones.

Is that all to my story? That would have been nice but God does things through all good and bad. He is there for us, He makes ways for us, and we might not see those blessings or the pure endless love of Him but it is there whether we might want to believe it or not!

We could dive high into the clouds and He is there. But what about if we went say… “underground?”

As long as we walk this earth could be be with us even if we think we were in “hell?”

The year after experiencing a happy joyous time, as if in time, there was the opposite. I was really feeling excited about living for the Lord.

Something awful at the church just happened (that I hadn’t known at all until just recently!!) and it was the reason our youth director was silently gone from our lives.

I thought in honesty it was because he would say inappropriate things to us. I wish, sadly!

We were young and Satan loves to shake things up, mess up, and destroy and “murder” lives before they even begin!

The “prince of lies” also loves to deceive, bring painful memories from far back into fruition, and keep us feeling that we can’t and shouldn’t do what God wants us to do.

He loves telling partial truths but will have you on your knees and yelling and feeling deep guilt and depression.

He also uses your experience for “his” gain! Now you can’t be at church. Now you can’t be this so-called “blessing.” I will remind you of so much you will wonder if this god is true in your life at all.

It was true that you’re a believer right? Or were you just deceiving people….?

Horrible thoughts creeped in like “Did they forgive me?” “I can’t believe my past is now somehow at the forefront of my life.” “Why…. why are they going out of their way to talk in depth about this…?” at a church meeting.

When I was driven to church, I was like a stick in mud. I could not move!

As if my fellow brethren were trying to remind me of His love or at least the beauty of His creation they told me with tears in their eyes how the flowers that sprung up looked.

I saw it, I even partially felt those flowers grew out just to show me God’s love and yet… I still felt paralyzed. What in the world was this???

My personal demons continued on with their game and after a while I didn’t know how to feel. I thought maybe I didn’t deserve God’s love. Maybe I should “go to hell” instead.

Hell is not a nice place by the way. Just sayin’! I felt like in the event I will share that it happened soon that I was in it but just know you don’t want to be there. It’s endless and it will be your only place after the first death if you choose to live without God…!

I didn’t like that ultimately in sin I was homosexual. I thought I deserved to “burn” because I couldn’t do things that apparently I found out later could only be done through Christ.

I had stopped eating. When my mom gave me a dinner she heated up in the oven, it somehow tasted like ashes (at least just a little bit). Then after more days and awful situations (I was going to lose my insurance soon and there was no way to stop it, it seemed) I lost grip on reality.

I thought I was still doing my movie project (only when I was sleeping) since I started back on it before all of this happened. I was over a friend’s house and after hoping the worst on myself I got attacked and “sent” to hell.

Screams and fire and brimstone I heard all around me. It smelled like sulfur was kept just below my nostrils every time I took a breath!

My friend’s mother (who was alive at the time) grabbed me and tried to bring me upstairs.

I heard a strange voice then I thought I “heard” her tell the voice to “shut up” and I also realized I couldn’t move well at all.

My legs felt like they were stripped of their skin and every step I took in the midst of the burning sounds and scream noises felt like the stairs I was moving up I was sinking into lava.

By the time I finally opened my eyes I was staring into hers and the flames, everything dissipated: no more screams, no more ungodly other sounds. She kept me in a quiet dark room and held me to herself.

As if it was a huge trauma I woke up the next day with some kind of mental “reset.” If I remember right the mom and dad were looking at me like I was their “baby” and showing love that I didn’t deserve. I responded back like a child.

(Sorry I had to take a moment to cry; the father also recently passed.)

So to keep this somewhat shorter, I probably didn’t see myself still as “redeemed.” I went my own way like a possessed person who believed now he was possibly the only person on earth to ever lose their salvation.

I was now dead on earth. I was gone. All because of self-judgement.

More hallucinations, more smelling of sulfur and this time I ended up at a few hospitals, not just at two (including the psyche building) like the year prior.

Eventually I ended up at the hospital. I probably would have perished if not for this special “dwelling.” But you know what was neat? It was the same hospital as last time. I was in the adult ward this time!

Then of course Satan did his things. More challenges and scary stuff. One night I saw two people outside my window by I’d say twenty feet away or so…? I knocked and they turned around. Two demonic men looked me in the eyes.

They immediately sprinted towards the hospital and headed for me. I was not hallucinating this time: They were friggin’ real!

Somehow they got into the hospital and went to my location.

I stood away from them as they headed for me. There were some firm but gentle shouts as the staff immediately kicked them out.

And like that they were gone…!

But as I speak of hell, remember when I said that Jesus is like a “firefighter…?” Well that’s coming up.

On Sunday I was so blessed to find out that in a smallish room a bunch of people were waiting as one man was not just a staff member on the medical team but also a pastor.

He shared about the bible. And He told of God’s love.

Here I was on the pit of seeming hell and then I heard a bunch of words that changed me after that moment. A spiritual refresher that could only come from a reverend filled by the Holy Spirit. A chance to know that there was renewal in the midst of hardship. Life in the midst of personal sadness and regret.

Out of all the terrible stuff I had done.

God still loved me.

My eyes overflowed with tears.

I had no idea. I did not know that it was possible.

So much of this touches on Psalm 139. Where can we go from Him? Is it possible while in this life to “get away” entirely from Him?

How great does He think of us too. It says in a following verse that if we were to count of His thoughts for us they would be greater than the grains that exist of sand!

What love. What compassion that He loved us so much that He also sent His son Jesus to die for us!

We should not take that punishment if there is a way out! In God there is a way and that in Christ Jesus.

Grace is like being given a gift we did not deserve. It was given selflessly with love for men and women, that we should not die before we find that answer.

You have just been given a gift. It was paid for by Christ Jesus who died for your, mine, our sin.

Do you know how much God loves you?

Anti-Suicide Hotline: 800-273-8255

Father, I thank you for the gift of the Holy Spirit. Without being given that we would have no hope that we might see within us someday. May the reader understand that to live on their own leads to endless hardship but the way to live with joy and feel a great reason is in Christ. Father God I pray that this reader comes to the knowledge and faith that is in and through your Son. No matter what we go through You are there. Let that not be too late for this reader. May they understand that there is no religion but love from God but by the way that You made happen. Thank you for the privilege of prayer.

Note: Hope you enjoyed the debut of the new category Testimony. God bless you today!

Devotion Psalm 139- 6/9/21

Am going to help out another friend. Hopefully he won’t get kicked out from his place he’s lived so long in, he is such kind and sweet person to everyone. I hope that he will be fine after this!

Here is a number in case you ever feel what I will share about my testimony.

Anti-Suicide Hotline: 800-273-8255

Struggle and the worst days in the midst of hardship. Is it fun? No. Is it worth it? It…. might be? But it’s too easy not to think about it needing to happen because it is too hard to believe it!

Sometimes we struggle. We have worry, pain, sadness, depression, and loneliness. Then there are even “bigger” obstacles. Losing a job, alcoholism, losing loved ones, losing the house that one lived in for so long!

That’s not all the struggles but there are many things that happen every day. If you are rich enough though that is great. I hope you are able to help spread the word and share this free blog to people.

Anyway off of that tangent, I and my family have struggled ourselves with possible homelessness. My dad was working many jobs as we lived in a single house (it was a rental though) and faced some huge problems. An unforeseen problem where a person took advantage on a house he was trying to sell and led that to a lawsuit. My dad lost that case because the judge, allegedly, just wanted to be on the other’s side. To be on “their” side just to look good? That’s discouraging.

My dad lost that then the rent piled up and he could not afford it anymore. He also lost his one of two jobs as one place laid him off.

We had nowhere to “go.” No plan for a vacation house that happened to be somewhere else on coast by the beach. Nothing rich to be able to relax and not be so deep in worry.

Then a sweet “angel” a family member willingly gave up her house so we would live in, just so we wouldn’t become homeless and be out on the streets!

The house that as of now is the shelter, the dwelling… is the house this very day.

I hope one day they will be able to live for just each other one day…. because my parents deserve to have peace and be able to be happy either in retirement or just to be active in some capacity.

But anyway I honestly wasn’t trying to say all that either, haha! I just wanted to say this. Deep in our stresses, our hardships, and even in seeming trials and tribulations, the Lord still loves us! God has love that permeates and penetrates deep. It comes to all who want simply to live for Him, serve Him

…and be led by Him.

Now I will get into personal testimony. For years I “lived” within the walls of church. I was in a church around the time I was born too! But I was torn and struggled with my own life.

Bullying, verbal/some physical abuse from my mom (I forgive you though Mom, and I love you so much!), and other things from elementary school all the way to the beginning of high school came on me making life almost impossible to keep going.

My freshman year was a day in which I contemplated suicide. Yes it was wrong to think that but if you can imagine the daily toil I had of people constantly pummeling me with jokes and tearing apart any happiness and self-worth I could have had, it was a way out. Worst off before that moment came to be I saw people who tore into me show seeing “grace” to others. I was somehow still an exception.

That’s it! Was I guess my heart’s motive. I was going to die a painful, awful self-inflicted death and all I asked was that I would be dead at the end of it.

What God’s grace did for me probably not even halfway through that day was that I forgot about that. All of it. I must have had a great day because I didn’t have that cross my mind again until I took Psychology my senior year where I found out it was a repressed memory.

Speaking of my senior year I somehow saw God’s deep love, how He was against abandonment, and to live for Christ with all my heart.

After my hardship and in effect then becoming “activated” by the Holy Spirit, I wanted to gratefully acknowledge His love to every place I would go!

I say this only because God is good. Christ saved me from so much and it was like I saw a hundred blessings all at once.

I went to school with an oomph to show God’s love and proclaim the gospel! My personality, everything in my life was turned around and like puzzle pieces fit into His glory. As I felt not just the love towards others but such a deep intimate bond with Christ (I do miss that…) there were hurdles too.

Some light hardships came. My school project being redone meant I had to not graduate with my class and repeat my senior year; though my project was just a screenplay I was determined to do a full on movie project and asked our local “News station” to recruit people for the movie and was told not to do that and my suggestion got filed away; I instantly learned in my heart as if in discernment that anything I planned to do for Jesus, Satan seemed to be right behind that action to stop it;

Then those “hardships” became bigger ones! After seeing a ghostly place with a friend sometime later an elaborate thing happened. It was like Satan sent evil and it dropped down right next to me in my bed (a demon). I screamed my head off! But at the same time it seemed like it was in reaction by the Holy Spirit.

Then one night I was lying in bed and was woken up by the Lord. “No. Not yet. Please. Don’t let ‘the end’ happen… not yet!”

What happened was I was shaken back and forth in my bed twice, then it felt almost like two fingers went under my ribcage to lift me up! The fear of the Lord then was definite and a reality!

The Lord was coming. And I had to warn people!

So I continued work on the project.

Then after some more situations other things happened and eventually I ended up hospitalized. I felt like Paul in that situation because here I was feeling scared and seemingly alone and all I wanted was to see my church’s happy faces again.

The place felt like a prison. You couldn’t even open the window to get fresh air because it was locked shut and the handle to open it had been removed!

I felt discouraged. And also (sorry Mom and Dad, forgive me) I became not homesick, but church sick. I asked my dad to get the directory and looked at the pictures.

Then after a while of being in a psychiatric hospital, I began to notice something. People in my group and even some of the staff looked familiar. Were they familiar? Yes, they really were!

God answered my hope to be with church to when I was away from church to bringing an old church to me! The people I was chatting and would fellowship with were from my old church when my dad lost the rental house!

How could this be? Does God really exist now, reader? I believe so and He is there for you whether you will believe it or not!

Part 2 coming

Hope Anew…!

How are you doing, friend. There are going to be some big changes coming, not yet on this blog, but ones where I have to do extra preparations in order for that to happen!

Anyway I don’t like to advertise (maybe that’s my problem, haha. I used to have a big dream to be involved in the world of business but… that’s not as “big” a dream now) so I will say “I digress” and move on!

I hope that you cling to glad hope in something that is greater than yourself. That you show love to your family, your caregiver, whoever in life is love for you may you show that love right back!

These are times for opportunity, times to do things one wouldn’t normally do, like witness, share from something that happened from your life, heck even ask someone to pray for you if you struggle!

There is always a hope in the midst of despair, a love that is greater than we can ever imagine, and a Jesus who paid for everything we think might be impossible.

Have hope.

At least I hope you now have hope “anew” anyway at this very moment!

Jesus, I pray this reader genuinely finds hope that will be new and mercy that is refreshed as well as the day is bright. Thank you Lord!

Devotions Hebrews- 6/8/21

It sucks I can’t drink coffee right now, haha! But it’s a “sacrifice” I am entirely willing (and happy) to make if it is, in this condition, bad for me. (It will exacerbate my physical problem).

And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:24-25

There are a lot of churches out there: There’s what one might say good ones, the other ones but generally, if they teach the bible they are good churches. Some churches want to save the “lost” that come in, some want to hold onto the members they have for comfortability’s sake, some want to preach and rejoice and shout the word of God! Others would rather talk about Jesus in a seemingly “quieter” manner.

I say if it’s a “full Bible” institution for everything to try to be a good faithful servant, I am all for it! What do I mean by saying “Full Bible” for a church and its believers…?

I mean as in everything it says is the word and if you leave stuff out… there will be problems with spiritual life. People will toil on and on in their old lives and there will be little or no growth within the church body.

Because like a dose of medicine for the body, the Bible is vitalizing to the soul. Growth for an individual needs to happen not just depending on other people within the body. The bible needs to be the foundation of a good church. Otherwise, there is a possibility no “good” will come from that so-called Bible church.

There is a book that I am hoping to one day read that talks about churches having the conformity of the world in them. That looks like a great one. But I was kind of surprised never thinking someone would call it one for “apologetics.”

I never thought a church like “that” would need apologetics (which explains the context of the scripture from the bible) but it clicked and totally made sense!

I feel like doing that in a supposed church is not like other religions. Those religions actually teach stuff from the bible and in loving and caring for others. They also have reasons to speak badly of the bad stuff. They teach patience, “bettering” yourself.

Yet “this” kind of place of same-minded “believers”, one that is of the world before it speaks of standing out from the world, is no different than some of the worst cults out there!

I still stand by the quick quip about fan-clubs. I’d rather risk scrutiny from the world than not give the gospel. I’d rather people spit in my face because I’m speaking against “their” truth than give my own truth and claim it’s what Jesus “wanted.”

Time is ticking churches: Do you know when Jesus will come? Will you be speaking the “truth?” Is the gospel the truth in your own heart…?

Or do you believe that the rapture is something “evil” and will claim against it meanwhile all the people in your body group might still be there when the end of ends come.

Thunder rattles sometimes as if to give us fear about what might come above. What would come “from above?”

Do not be afraid of evil or Satan, churches, but be afraid of the one who might choose to “send” you to heaven or hell.

Yes I say, fear Him!

I believe I have met Michael the archangel. Is he here to stay?

I have met a different angel as well. One who has sent such spiritual encouragement.

Thank You Lord for these tough things that help me think about what I’m doing with my own life. I can’t do anything without Your amazing love, interference, and mercy and joy!

In You I can depend on life not by my own hand or strength but because of the amazing power of when You gave us Your Son to die and rise to live again and in effect, also live in our hearts. Amen!

Devotions Micah 6:8- 6/7/21

He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God? NKJV

(~Note: Hi. Just saying, but the earlier post was not the “surprise” hahaha. That was something to say just from a few days before. The big surprise will hopefully come sometime soon~)

A judge can sometimes be harsh yet fair. What comes down on what a person “gets” sometimes is upsetting for the one on trial.

That being said, can a person who has been given their sentence have many emotions about the cruel turn out in life? What if the sentence was death!

“No. Somebody please, take this punishment that I righteously deserve!” This can’t be the end… can it?

In life there are many things. There is happiness, joy, peace, but above all else, somehow there is grace and mercy.

Surely that isn’t all there is in life? I probably used to think that was ultimately all there is in life but there is also payment of sin and death as well.

We all have sin. Also someday we will all die.

I have a problem that could kill me. That might be disheartening to somebody but it is true. If I am careful I can get this problem treated and see if I might get better.

What else is there besides people “curing”‘ other people through medicine? There is a lot more than that!

The medicine might not be the help to my body or my “soul” haha. There is so much more to life than helping the physical body get “well” by the power of medical technology.

We need something deeper than anything this world might provide.

That is where the true thing for the soul could come for us. Maybe it’s through the power of prayer. Or maybe it is asking for help in the midst of such a tough strife like a current situation.

What if all a person needed was really in all things, love?

Be just means to let one in on consequences, show what a person has done is wrong, be tough and firm at times, and let the person know the error of their ways.

But to also love mercy makes things a little complicated, doesn’t it?

Maybe those consequences should only go so far? What if you were shown more mercy than what was shown towards that person right now…!

Things get complicated as we face “trials” and times that feel so burdensome yet familiar. But we must not lose hope. We must still pray for so-called “enemies” and see if what you’ve reflected towards them in Christ will one day be the thing they seek because their tough day might be coming soon.

And we must not walk around and tell people “I am perfect” too. That is we must be humble during our walk.

We must not forget everything that happened for us was not because it was anything we did in our lives but that it was because of what Christ has done for us!

We must not give up for our friends, for our people against us, from people who are against what we stand for, and for ourselves in the refreshing blood and mercy from Jesus.

Praise You Lord for giving me the gift of grace, which I did not deserve!